You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize