If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
she looked like the before picture.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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