a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
