i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
This toilet bowl is my home.
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