I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
