I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
