how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
