hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I puked a lego.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Randomize
