we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
