She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
