it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
