My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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