So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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