Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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