Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
