My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize