bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
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