I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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