I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
So vagazzling was a success
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
