Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
