She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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