hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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