Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
