You're completely useless in the revolution.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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