She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
