M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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