yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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