I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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