can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
