In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize