I wish life had little blips of pornography
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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