"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
