Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
