Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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