Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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