I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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