dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
