I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
he shaved USA in his pubs
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
You can't just leave with hair like that
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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