Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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