Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
