well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize