: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Randomize
