If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Rumble strips road head = magical
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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