You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Welp...herpes.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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