I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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