i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
