Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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