We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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