I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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