can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
