But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Randomize
