I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
When did angry sex become our thing?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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