I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
