So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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