I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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