my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
