I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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