Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
