I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
you didnt know i had herpes?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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