I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
