i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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