So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
