anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
