did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
